Relationship Cliches we hate

1. I married my b.f. – No you didn’t.  If you married your best friend you’d be gay.  Are you gay and married to your best friend?  If so, you have my apologies.  People who have opposite sex besties are weird and not to be trusted.

2.    No it was not.  Unless you are in love with her boobs because that’s the 1st thing you saw.  No it wasn’t?  You’re a liar.

3.    It didn’t mean anything?  Yes it did.  It meant you were naked with someone other than me.  It means you cheated.  Douche.

4.    This is the only one I approve of, probably because I identify with it.  And because being married is exactly like being chained and physically weighed down like you’re in prison.  A prison that nags you constantly and never lets you see it’s boobs.

5.    I have to babysit tonight – No you don’t.  You have to be a dad.  I can’t defend this one.  Fatherhood doesn’t stop at conception unless you’re a guest on Maury Povich.